I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
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You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
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Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I believe in your delicious