Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.