she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night