im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.