I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.