alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
where are my eyebrows?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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