the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one