can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
i now understand why vodka
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Verdict: uncircumcised.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
