dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
