if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
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Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
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I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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