Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
