good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
