My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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