Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
