I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Randomize
