i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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