dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
