I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
