so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
