I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
