Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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