Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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