she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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