The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
