dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
