Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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