if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
