respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
