I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
