you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
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Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
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I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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