Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
