the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
