I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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