Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
