Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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