The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
