make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
