My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
