I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
