I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
