I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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