I saw his package. It spoke to me.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
