Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
