I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
