hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Someone stole a lamp last night.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
