i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
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