the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
