It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
