Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
