I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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