i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
How does it feel to date your dad?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
