I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
