I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I have aggressive nipples.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
