We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
foreskin is a definite game changer
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
