i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
