very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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