Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
