My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We are two peas in an std pod
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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