god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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