i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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