Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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