You really coming over, don't trick.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
