Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
