the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
