I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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