"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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