I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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