Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
