just come out here and I will go home with you...
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
