ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
