YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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