dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I need to align my fucking chakras
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
