i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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