The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
