Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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