Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
