2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize