Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
