shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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