i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
