I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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