An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
