Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
