dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
